Heartquake .

That's it . I got it ! I'm come to the conclusion on why things in my life normally tend to not go my way, or the way I plan it . It's because I'm a compulsive, smart-mouthed, arrogant, egotistical, argumentative asshole . I mean I'm not shootin' myself down or anything, but the simple fact is that I know I have problems . Most people claim that they don't have problems, at least I know the harsh reality of myself . I tend to push people away, and when I pushed them away to the point of no return, that's when I want them . That's when I become clingy and it's dumb . Idk why I do that, but i do . I figure since it's a new year though I can try to change that about myself, ya' know ?

"Love was a stranger,
never at my door . . "

IFULEAVE .

That's it . I started off the new year alone, and I think I will end up alone for the whole year . As I said before, I feel like everything happens for a reason . So look, I have had 3 opportunities for love & for some reason something always happens and fucks it up . Honestly I fuck it up, I don't know if I do it on purpose or if I'm just slow, idk . It's like I don't mind bein' single, shits fun, but at the same time I haven't been in a relationship since the summer '08' in August, so I think it's time for a new one ya' know . It's hard to explain and too much to type if I could explain what happened and how I sabotaged my chances . Just know that I think I might have fucked myself over, AGAIN !!!

"You think I can be
so arrogant, arrogant! "

Ego .

Alright so the last few days I have been going to work I have been messin' up . I mean on the verge of bein' fired !!!!! Nigga, clocked out forever ! Lol . I haven't really been focused, I mean I been really not focusin' ! So the last time I went to work and didn't get in trouble or nothing . I did exceptionally well . So I might be able to become an assistant manager . Also I am about to get a new phone, I am sooo happy ! I'm currently typin' this at school in the library with Danla'shell & Ra'Shanda, man we been having so much fun today in school .

"Talk like this cuz'

I can back it up ! "

Street Lights .

That's fuckin' it ! I had enough of this shit . Next motherfucka' call me fake, I'm gone show you how fake a person can get . People keep claimin' that I'm fake . I ask, how ? They say you don't call me nomore, you don't come see me & shit like that . First off, motherfucka' it's not fake if I have shit to do . I mean are you going to catch my credits up & make sure I graduate on time for me ? NOO ! Are you going to juggle school & a constant schedule change from my job for me ? NOO ! Are you going to do anything for me ? NOO, and for that matter what are you doing for me now that I should just stop every fuckin' thing in my life to talk to you ! I mean your sooooo fuckin' important ! Hm, nothing !

I mean and last time I checked ain't none of you bitches knockin' down doors to talk to me & come see me and shit . You got my number just as well as I got yours, and for that matter if you really pay some fuckin' attention . I have barely had a phone lately . I mean I had 3 phones in the 4 months, sorry for the fuckin' inconvenience . I mean I didin't mean to lose my phone & not be able to talk to you all, sorry ! I mean truly, NOT !!! Wtf ?! I mean you got my adress too, last I checked . Shit's crazy . I mean I am like the realest nigga you will know, and I'm fake because of that . I thought fake was shit like when niggas act different towards you when certain people around, not when you can barely talk to someone because they be busy, I mean damn I thought that was called takin' care of business . Maybe I'm wrong, and to be on the other side of things . Since you quick to jump down my throat about how fake I am, did you happen to know whte shit I had went through this past year ? Did you happen to find out how I was almost put in foster care, almost lost my dad, and almost had my mama in jail for life, worried about how my grandma & if she going to make to another day, or if my Grandpa is going to make to another holiday, NOOOO ! All you were worried about was that i couldn't talk to you ! Well here you go, I hope this is enough talkin' for you, because this all the talkin' we gone do this year, at least until you get YOUR priorities straight, and realize I ain't finna' stop my life for you !

" I know my
destination ! "

Shake It .

Alright, today was the frist day of the new year . Weird thing happened, I saw the girl I used to love today . I mean I haven't seen her since like October, I mean we haven't even talked & in walks the ex love of my life, lol . I mean most of ya'll probably would write it off as just, oh she came over, but I believe everything happens for a reason, and be it natural or supernatural, I take that as a sign . Should I be with her this year, should we try again (god know the first time was terrible) , but idk . I'm a lil confused, I mean I still love her, & I wouldn't mind bein' with her again, but idk . Should we try it ? On one hand, I want to, but on the other I mean we did break up for a reason . Ugh, I'm sooo confused .

"Your body's cold, but girl we're
getting so warm . "